Is this really happening?
Do I really want this to happen?
I feel like digging a hole in the ground now and just hide there until my mind is clear.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Hmmm..
Not seeing someone for a relatively long period of time, and bumping into this person in an unexpected situation, made me realised that I have actually missed this person quite a fair bit without even knowing it.
Humans are selfish beings. They are bothered when people hurt them, but more often that not, they do not acknowledge it when they have hurt someone. It's like a cycle, I feel, but I don't know how to explain in words how this cycle works. It's all in my head. I can picture it, but I can't put it in words. I'm not good when it comes to multi-tasking. When I'm deep in thoughts, I'd just stone and not speak. When I'm talking, words don't come easy for me because I can't exactly think when I speak. Well, I wouldn't say that 100% of what I say is rubbish though. That's one reason why I don't really like having conversations over the phone, because I may just bore the other person by either my silence, or the crap I speak. Anyway, this is just a side-track.
As I was saying, humans are selfish.
Humans are not perfect. Humans are never contented. Humans always want more. Humans may seem to have what is best for them, but seriously, the best is not enough for them. What exactly do they want? Hmmm..
Godliness with contentment is great gain. I shall tell myself that, and be contented with whatever I have. Of course, this isn't a chance for me to idle my life away. Just do my best and God will take care of the rest.
Now the problem comes when I ask myself what's the best that I can reach. What's my maximum? What am I going to do with my life? Have I even tried hard?
I feel so stupid being in the course I'm studying now. Everyone speaks up in class with brilliant ideas while I just sit on my chair and taking in people's idea. Where in the world is my spine? I can't possibly be relying on people's ideas all the time. This is bad. While all the professors are faithfully giving their lectures, I faithfully let my mind wander into who-knows-where. When I actually pay attention, I don't catch a single ball. Grr.. With all the assignments piling up and beckoning me with their scary witch-liked fingernails and hands (I'm personifying my work. Ha. This is scary.), I can't imagine how I'm gonna complete it. Ooops, a mistake there. I can't imagine how I'm gonna START working on it.
Singapore Lit is the terrifying one. 2200 WORDS! (Just to compare two poems on the s*lly-looking merlion. Victorian Lit is more merciful. Only 800 words :) Film module is bad, yet I'm looking forward to working on it. 2800 words! Plus 2 presentations. Mulan and Tom Stoppard's The Real Inspector Hound. Oohh..and not forgetting the waste-my-time HW 111 presentation.
Rant rant rant rant. I can rant all day long. it's been long since I ranted.
May God help cluttered-mind Stacey.
Humans are selfish beings. They are bothered when people hurt them, but more often that not, they do not acknowledge it when they have hurt someone. It's like a cycle, I feel, but I don't know how to explain in words how this cycle works. It's all in my head. I can picture it, but I can't put it in words. I'm not good when it comes to multi-tasking. When I'm deep in thoughts, I'd just stone and not speak. When I'm talking, words don't come easy for me because I can't exactly think when I speak. Well, I wouldn't say that 100% of what I say is rubbish though. That's one reason why I don't really like having conversations over the phone, because I may just bore the other person by either my silence, or the crap I speak. Anyway, this is just a side-track.
As I was saying, humans are selfish.
Humans are not perfect. Humans are never contented. Humans always want more. Humans may seem to have what is best for them, but seriously, the best is not enough for them. What exactly do they want? Hmmm..
Godliness with contentment is great gain. I shall tell myself that, and be contented with whatever I have. Of course, this isn't a chance for me to idle my life away. Just do my best and God will take care of the rest.
Now the problem comes when I ask myself what's the best that I can reach. What's my maximum? What am I going to do with my life? Have I even tried hard?
I feel so stupid being in the course I'm studying now. Everyone speaks up in class with brilliant ideas while I just sit on my chair and taking in people's idea. Where in the world is my spine? I can't possibly be relying on people's ideas all the time. This is bad. While all the professors are faithfully giving their lectures, I faithfully let my mind wander into who-knows-where. When I actually pay attention, I don't catch a single ball. Grr.. With all the assignments piling up and beckoning me with their scary witch-liked fingernails and hands (I'm personifying my work. Ha. This is scary.), I can't imagine how I'm gonna complete it. Ooops, a mistake there. I can't imagine how I'm gonna START working on it.
Singapore Lit is the terrifying one. 2200 WORDS! (Just to compare two poems on the s*lly-looking merlion. Victorian Lit is more merciful. Only 800 words :) Film module is bad, yet I'm looking forward to working on it. 2800 words! Plus 2 presentations. Mulan and Tom Stoppard's The Real Inspector Hound. Oohh..and not forgetting the waste-my-time HW 111 presentation.
Rant rant rant rant. I can rant all day long. it's been long since I ranted.
May God help cluttered-mind Stacey.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Through purging more fruits I will bear
It is the branch that bears the fruit,
That feels the knife,
To prune it for a larger growth,
A fuller life.
Though every budding twig be trimmed,
And every grace
Of swaying tendril, springing leaf,
May lose its place.
O you whose life of joy seems left,
With beauty shorn;
Whose aspirations lie in dust,
All bruised and torn,
Rejoice, though each desire, each dream,
Each hope of thine
Will fall and fadel it is the hand
Of Love Divine
That holds the knife, that cuts and breaks
With tenderest touch,
That you, whose life has borne some fruit,
Might now bear much.
-Annie Johnson Flint
That feels the knife,
To prune it for a larger growth,
A fuller life.
Though every budding twig be trimmed,
And every grace
Of swaying tendril, springing leaf,
May lose its place.
O you whose life of joy seems left,
With beauty shorn;
Whose aspirations lie in dust,
All bruised and torn,
Rejoice, though each desire, each dream,
Each hope of thine
Will fall and fadel it is the hand
Of Love Divine
That holds the knife, that cuts and breaks
With tenderest touch,
That you, whose life has borne some fruit,
Might now bear much.
-Annie Johnson Flint
Cut the String
Enough is enough.
I'm sick of being the mediator.
Watching M Butterfly gave me butterflies in my stomach. I nearly puked. It's worse than Brokeback Mountain. It's such a melancholic film, yet the issues mentioned are so real.
TTFN~!
I'm sick of being the mediator.
Watching M Butterfly gave me butterflies in my stomach. I nearly puked. It's worse than Brokeback Mountain. It's such a melancholic film, yet the issues mentioned are so real.
TTFN~!
Seriously...
Seriously, what am I doing with my own life?
I worry so much, panic so much, yet I put in so little effort in doing something about my problems.
What's wrong with me?
ARGHHHH......
The height of my pile of work to be done can be compared to Mt. Everest.
TTFN
I worry so much, panic so much, yet I put in so little effort in doing something about my problems.
What's wrong with me?
ARGHHHH......
The height of my pile of work to be done can be compared to Mt. Everest.
TTFN
Monday, February 18, 2008
In His Time
In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful
In His time.
Lord, please show me everyday
As You're teaching me Your Way,
That You'll do just what You say
In Your time.
In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful
In Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing
In Your time.
He makes all things beautiful
In His time.
Lord, please show me everyday
As You're teaching me Your Way,
That You'll do just what You say
In Your time.
In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful
In Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing
In Your time.