Decided to take five from my reading.
The courses for this semester are interesting, yet the scale of difficulty is overwhelming. I realised for this semester that even if I put in more effort than before, it's futile.
I had put in a lot of effort for my essays, yet the results were disappointing. When I thought I had done well in my mid-terms, there were others who were far better than me. In the end, it makes no difference because I'm still at the lower end of the ladder. I've learnt my lesson. Never expect too much from yourself when you're not good enough for it.
It can be rather humiliating at times too.
Why? I admit it was honeymoon for me throughout first year. I didn't put in much effort, I left books unread, and I just skipped classes as and when I felt like it, and indeed I reaped what I sowed. My grades were disgusting, hence I decided to be more diligent this semester.
But it seems like it's still not good enough even when I put in my heart into it. In fact, it became worse.
I can kiss my dreams and aspiration goodbye if this continues. Yes,
that dream and
that dream. They'll go away. Just like that. POOF!. Then bye. and cry. and regret. and remorse. and reproach. and then dream again, and the cycle starts all over,
and Mufasa's favourite line,
the circle of life. No, cancel
life. Find another word to replace it.
The world is cruel. Did I grow up according to plan?
Milan Kundera is right.. or rather, Nietzche. "In the world of eternal return the weight of unbearable responsibility lies heavy on every move we make". (
das schwerste Gewicht) I'm definitely glad we only live on this earth once. Imagine every second and aspect of your life recurs an infinite number of times, and everything remains. You can't change anything, unlike in Magical Realism. Question is, will you be conscious of the recurrance? -shrugs-
This is getting too far, and it is making no sense. I have taken more than 5 minutes. I wanna learn German!
Tshüss erstmal!
